The Relentless Pursuit of Fabulous

Ruminations on the dogged pursuit of a fabulous, balanced life of purpose from an occasionally star-crossed, but well-intentioned lady a sneeze away from 30.

Dear Seattle November 17, 2009

Dear Seattle,

I’ve lived within your city limits for so long now that as I prepare to move away from you for the first time in my life, I’m flooded with thoughts of all the things I’m going to miss. I’ve driven down your streets the last few days and every passing building, park, and intersection brings back a memory and reminds me that this place is utterly unique, beautiful, and filled with people who, in spite of their idiosyncrasies and passive aggressive tendencies, are in fact *my* people. I am homesick before I’ve even left.

You are the backdrop where all important moments in my life have played out, from losing my innocence to learning to stand on my own and weather every challenge with confidence instead of the anger of a spoiled child. From quiet mornings when the Space Needle would disappear from the skyline entirely in a thick fog to raucous nights on Capitol Hill started innocently with sandwiches at the Honey Hole, I’ve always appreciated your subtle poetry and how you inspire the people who live here without even trying.

Sure, we haven’t always gotten along. I’ve cursed your public transit and how your drivers camp out in the passing lane driving 55. I may have even, on occasion, cursed those gray skies in the dregs of winter when even I, the true native, questioned if the sun would ever reappear. Still, from my living room in Lower Queen Anne as I watched the elevator go up and down and up and down, I’ve watched you woo newcomers with the breathtaking view from atop the Space Needle. If only they knew that view was only one of so many others out there to appreciate…

It was here that I learned to appreciate the nature of true friendship (and friendship that later turned out to be not so true or lasting) over beers and shuffleboard at Big Time Brewery. I learned humility from every uneven sidewalk and moss-covered stair you threw in my path. And you inspired me with more live music than I can even begin to describe, from the old Croc, and dare I say as far back as DV8. You even taught me to play nice with others as I learned to share Death Cab and Modest Mouse and my other favorite indie bands with the rest of the world. You baptized me by fire when I needed it, from live television to parallel parking in a tiny space while someone was waiting behind me. You even taught me how to hold my liquor with Earl’s Long Island Ice Tea.

I keep thinking how I’ve been a fool to take you for granted, the impeccable films at SIFF, amazing bands at Bumbershoot, and inexplicable delight of Archie McPhee’s. If only I knew I would leave someday, I would’ve paid more attention.

You’ve nourished me with Red Mill Burgers and Nasai Teriyaki and the greatest beer selection a girl could ask for. You indulged me with incomparable Yakima wines and Tom Douglas’ coconut cream pie, not to mention many a brunch at Dish and the 5 Spot. You even nourished my soul with late summer evenings at Golden Gardens and Greenlake and potlucks at the Interbay p-patch. You’ve spoiled me with Easy Street Records and KEXP and I don’t know how I could’ve ever been so dense as to take them for granted. A website just isn’t the same, you know?

My first real job, my first apartment—everything important that’s ever happened to me, it all happened here and that is why you will always be an inextricable part of me; the very core of who I am. I’m a Seattle girl, a Husky alum, and someone who will always love this city no matter how much it changes. When people ask me, “So does it really rain in Seattle all the time?” I will tell them yes, because god knows the last thing this town needs is more Californians moving here. It’s my way of showing you I still love you even though I’m far away.

I know I have many more firsts ahead of me and it’s necessary to try new things, but I take with me the best parts of this town, this amazing place where I’ve become the person I’ve always wanted to be.

Your face will change and I know that when I come back and the Gates Foundation is done, not to mention all the nonsense construction in SLU, you will look so different than when I left you. And I’ll look different, too–mostly because Bash at Vain won’t be lending his mad scissor skills to my locks anymore, but I have the highest of hopes that you will grow into the tremendous city I’ve always know you capable of being. I know someday all the progressive ideas will become reality.

It is so hard to leave you, Seattle. You are home to me. You are home to my ex-boyfriends and childhood friends and my family, and I hope you take good care of them while I’m away. And I hope they take really good care of you, too. You deserve it.

 

Orange is the new grey June 27, 2009

I was a DJ in college at UW and I used to go to shows all the time; I live and die by my IPod and whether inspired by euphoria or crisis, I still make mix tapes—or playlists if you want to get technical about it. Some people go to church, I go to ITunes.LT

Today I stumbled across a song in my ITunes library from this band Late Tuesday I used to go see whenever I had the opportunity.  They’re from Bellingham, the town where my boyfriend went to college, and while I suspect those lovely ladies went their separate ways years ago, it is profoundly appropriate that I’m listening to the song “I Must Go” as I’m sitting here delving into spreadsheets and to-do lists, trying to figure out how my finances will shake out over the next few months. What can I say? I’m nothing if not a planner at heart. One night last week, I couldn’t fall asleep and I found myself calculating in my head the number of nights I have left to enjoy sleeping next to my boyfriend before he leaves for Orange County. There are 55 nights on the paper-chain countdown in my head as of now. Based on the fact that I get choked up every time I think about it, it’s no stretch to say I’m planning ahead to miss him a hell of a lot.

 

Out of the 7 years we’ve been together now, I’ve spent nearly 4 of them coming home to him. Home…it’s odd that after 29 years of using Webster’s definition of that word, my interpretation has evolved a lot lately and not just because I’m making plans to trade my glorious city of grey for the polar opposite city of Orange.

 

Friends have called me freakishly domestic with how attached I am to my dwelling and I can’t say I blame them. I’ve built furniture, painted apartment walls, and replaced cabinet handles to make even a lowly rental *just* how I want it. You’d think I was buying with how picky I am about apartments. Still, in one way or another–I’ve been enamored with all the places I’ve lived here in Seattle. 

 

I love everything about my home–from the stuff I have on the walls, to the neighborhood I live in, to the place we have brunch when nursing a hangover, to my pea-patch, to the fact that when I park just a bit further away from my office I get to walk by two places we used to live. I love that family is nearby but far enough away and I love that I don’t have to get in the car to get to a grocery store or a park or a kick-ass burger joint.

 

The life we’ve built here is pretty great by all accounts and I don’t really want to leave, but the more I think about him leaving for grad school, the more I realize that my home isn’t just 4 walls and some mod decor in a part of town I like; he’s home to me, the sanctuary that I want to come home to when I’ve had my ass handed to me by the world at large. I don’t think I’ve come right out and said it like that to him yet; I probably should.

 

We did the long distance thing for awhile in college and back then, it worked out really well. I had all my time to myself and when we did get to see each other, it was the best. Driving just a couple hours outside the city to see him for a weekend felt like a vacation to me because all the stuff that was waiting for me back in Seattle, the drama-ridden roommate, my nightmare student debt situation, the 2 (sometimes 3) part-time jobs I was juggling to pay the rent–it all went away when I was with him.

 

I’m planning on joining him in Orange eventually, I just don’t know when or how exactly. My hope is for after the 1st of the year, but I have to get a job in Orange County before I make that transition and I really want to take a step forward career-wise if I’m going to make the move. It’ll be hard leaving Seattle, but it’d be way harder to have my partner building a new life in Orange without me. Orange must become my new grey, at least for a little while.
So yeah, that song “I Must Go”—pretty appropriate for me today. A taste of the lyrics for those who are curious:

I Must Go
–Late Tuesday

Time flies, when you’re having fun
And it’s flown too quickly for me
For my time has arrived,
The day has come, the day I must leave
Where I’ll go, I cannot very know
All I see is the road at my feet 

(Chorus)
I must go
I must leave this place
I have somewhere to go; I have a new road to follow
I must go, though I wish I could stay
There is something beyond what I see
I must go… 

Though I feel like I’m losing myself,
As I fear leaving all this behind me
I will not, I will not lose my faith
As I go, for my fears will be vanished in time
And I know, I know that I will be fine

(Chorus)

I will not forget you,
I could not forget you
Even though I cannot be by your side
Life’s course has brought us to this place
And tomorrow we must embrace
The sick joy in this bittersweet
Goodbye, goodbye 

(Chorus)

 

 
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