Channeling my inner Lloyd Dobler July 9, 2009

I’ve been sick the last several days, since Sunday afternoon to be exact. I hardly ever get sick and this time it taught me a few valuable lessons:

 

1) Don’t take health for granted because when you least expect it, some random virus can launch 3 days of Marlboro Mannish coughing teamed with hair-drenching fevers and chills typically reserved for menopause.

 

2) There *is* such a thing as too much of a good thing (ie watching the first 2 seasons of The Tudors back to back for 3 days solid on Netflix OnDemand puts me at serious risk of referring to my colleagues as Lord This and Lady That tomorrow).

 

3) Lloyd Dobler of Say Anything fame had the right idea even though he had no clue what he was doing. I hereby resolve to be more like Lloyd… (With the hope that this isn’t 4 days of cabin fever and Dayquil talking.)

I realize my view might be a bit skewed due to excessive TV watching (though I’m *sooo* not the first to seek wisdom in pop culture), but I really do believe that Lloyd had the right idea. I keep thinking of him saying, “I’m looking for a dare to be great situation…” which I can totally identify with. And then there’s his whole speech about what he does or doesn’t want to do for a career:

 

“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.”

 

Lloyd and I are totally on the same page (and not just because John Cusack plays the character). I’ve been feeling like I’m back to square one career-wise lately, but I definitely know what I don’t want to do; so maybe this isn’t really square one after all. 

 

I have a lot of respect for a guy who put it all on the line, stood outside a window, boom box over his head; totally unafraid of making an ass of himself because even if he didn’t have everything figured out; he wasn’t going to give up the one thing he was sure about. And he didn’t stress about the uncertainties either; that’s definitely something I could stand to work on. When I start stressing about the upcoming move to Orange County, I’m going to think of it as my boom box over the head declaration of love for my partner; far more positive than thinking of it serving 3 years hard time in the land of fake boobs.

 

After all is said and done, Lloyd got what he wanted (and not because that’s Cameron Crowe’s MO). In the last scene, Lloyd and his girlfriend are taking a big leap into the unknown and Diane says to him, “Nobody thinks it will work, do they?” His response?  “No. You just described every great success story.”

 
I sincerely hope this is my great success story. I’m going to think about that quote every time I start questioning myself about whether or not I’ll ever be able to lose the weight again and accomplish my other goals. And I’m going to stop punishing myself for gaining it back in the first place. There’s enough stuff out there in the world to drag me down; I don’t need to add my own voice to the chorus of nay-sayers.

 

I’m just going to keep Lloyd Dobler’s voice in the back of my head telling me that this is the start of my great success story.

Putting Business Beast in Charge July 4, 2009

I’ve been wondering lately how things would be I took the passion and dedication I put toward my work and redirected it to the rest of my life. What if I take a project management approach to eliminating all the things making me sad, angry, frustrated and embarrassed about my life?

 

This may be a brilliant idea, but then again, maybe these are just the musings of a cubicle monkey on the verge of losing it—it’s hard to tell. I mean seriously, it has taken me years to learn how to leave work at work. Still, they do pay me for 8 hours a day for my skills, so that’s saying something right? Obviously I’m bringing something to the table so maybe I can use those skills for another purpose.

 

There have been a few times when my boyfriend will hear me on the phone talking to a colleague or a vendor and he always laughs and says, “that’s so cute-hearing my Cuddle Beast being all Business Beast” Behind closed doors we’re sweet like that; a diabetic coma waiting to happen. Don’t tell anyone though; it would totally ruin Business Beast’s reputation. Soooo…where do I start? Can I channel Business Beast and make it work to my benefit without having her overrun me?

 

I made a list this morning of all the things upsetting me right now, from my currently fat ass right on down to the fact that I’m embarrassed when people get in my car because it’s a goddamn mess…there are some big things on the list (my ass) and some small things, but they add up and weigh on me. I don’t think the list is complete by any means, but I’m going to mull it over and then, just like I would for any other project, I’m going to write a strategy for how to move things forward and solve the problem.

 

I know I won’t be able to do something about everything on the list and I may fall on my face trying for a few of them, but it’ll give me a start and at least I’ll feel like I’m doing something to better my situation.

 

For now, I’m taking the big goals and putting them into Joe’s Goals so I can see how I’m doing on a daily basis. Number one goal on the list? Stay positive!

 

Stay tuned for more on the list…